A GMAT QUESTION OF YAR’ADUA’S PAY CUT

It probably was the best news [?] after slice bread, no… out of the Presidency last week. The news which came on the heels of the just concluded meeting between the President, the Revenue Mobilization and Fiscal Commission, was to cheerfully announce the slashing of one of the numerous pecks that the ‘topmost of the top’ of officials of the FG have hitherto of the enjoyed.

The meeting broke to announce that the housing allowance currently being enjoyed by the President and his lucky Vice has been slashed by 50%. I don’t know how much this 50% cut amounts to, but we have every reason to be grateful [?] to the President for being graciously in touch with the current economic situation. It is very uncommon for public officials in Nigeria to willingly accept cuts in their salaries, allowances and other benefits – at least I have never heard of it until this current administration. They would usually advise us to tighten our belts while they loosen theirs, and feed fat off us. It would also be recalled that this same government had accepted a 10% reduction of their salary and emoluments earlier this year. They encouraged the various state and local governments to do the same. At least I remember Gbenga Daniel and his nude-oath-taking officials accepting to cut their pay in the early part of this year then I was living in his capital.

These measures viewed in light of the current economic recession – depression in Nigeria’s case because we have been in recession until now – ravaging the world calls for cheers to a government that is trying to be seen to be responsive and responsible to its people. You would also think they have taken these steps to reduce the burden that their fat pay places on our thin resources. Yes thin resources considering that the prices of crude oil has dropped from its high of $140 to the current $60 its trading in the international market and that local production has dropped from budgetary projections of about 2.2 million bpd to a little above 1 million bpd due to the rightful agitations of the Niger-Delta youths - I hate to call them militants. Why should they be so branded for asking for a taste of what is taken out of their backyard?

But this is as far as the cheers can go for those who accept what that meeting said without really thinking about it. Pray that I’m wrong on this because if I am, it’s for the good of our country. Here is why I’m saying this!

After this cut made the news, I watched the President advice the private sector to follow suit and emulate the government, but that was when I realized the stupidity – please pardon my use of that word – of the Presidents call. I doubt you realize what this allowance that the President was slashing is for! It’s a housing allowance for the President and his vice. Housing allowance for Mr. President and his Vice? I thought Mr. President and his Vice live in Aso Rock and Aguda or Defense house [whatever it is called these days] in the presidential villa respectively? Hey don’t be outraged! At least they spared us the detail of how much this allowance is.

Okay let’s look at this in the perspective of the private sector Mr. President talked about. Imagine – I said imagine oh! Hypothetically! – Mr. Femi Otedola hires a CEO for his new Otedola Cement & Gypsum Company Ltd – the one he wants to use to fight back Dangote. Femi’s company then provides the new CEO with a fully paid-for befitting mansion somewhere at Banana Island Ikoyi and still pays him housing allowance. That’s exactly what the President is doing living in our Aso Rock without paying rent, with 24/7 electricity supplied from generating sets running on diesel purchased with our money from his diesel-merchant-campaign-financier, eating our food and still collecting housing allowance. This is the scenario Mr. President wants the private sector to emulate.

I wonder if there is a specially researched and tested hand-over note every Nigerian leader receives that tells them that they can say whatever they like because the people won’t be listening, when they do listen, they don’t hear anything and when they hear, they won’t ask questions. They will simply swallow it hook, line and sinker, not because they have any atom of trust in their leaders, but because they are too docile to do anything. I had better quit wondering because it must be true.

Every news report you hear about pay or allowance cut by this government is a ruse. Let’s look again at the earlier 10% cut they allegedly accepted! They gleefully accepted a 10% cut after taking a huge pay rise last year. I think it was something in the range of three fold of the former pay. What has exactly changed from what this President is earning from what OBJ earned? I can’t tell exactly. What is he currently earning? How I wish I know. Oh! This will make a very good GMAT question. Let’s look at the question!
“If President Yar’Adua accepted - say - a 300% pay rise in 2008 and in 2009 took a 10% cut due to economic recession. In terms of percentage, what is he currently earning?”
The correct answer will earn you a VIP ticket to the Premier of the dance drama titled ‘Politics of nude-oath-taking’ performed by the respected Gbenga Daniel’s Theatre Company at the Valley View Auditorium, Isale Igbein, Abeokuta.

This is a classical case of projecting change while keeping things the same. If they really want us to believe that they mean to cut their pay, they should get rid of the 2008 pay rise and then slash it by 10% and totally stop taking housing allowance or move out of the Presidential villa. Instead of being true to us, this administration wants to use lip service and cosmetic changes to pull the wool back over our eyes. If what they are doing is not ‘the more you look, the less you see’, then I don’t know what it is. Sorry that does not add up because Nigerians are not actually looking. They are too busy trying to make progress instead of confronting that thing that is retarding their progress. Maybe they have not realized that as long as that thing remains, they will never make that progress. God help us in our struggles to make progress.

WHEN WILL THIS EMERGENCY BE?

I was not here when state of emergency was declared in the old Western Region during the famed ‘Operation Wetie’ that led to region being labeled ‘Wild Wild West’ but thanks to the story telling ability of my Geography teacher in SS1, who relished us with tales of those times, I guess I could beat my chest to say, I know about what happened then. Thanks to him. No doubt, my teacher’s tales left nothing to be imagined, but I have always had my own active imagination of what could possibly lead to a declaration of a state of emergency over a region or state. Perhaps, I’m not the only one with such an imagination. This imagination of state of emergency - which I got from watching American Movies – is something like this. Please don’t go thinking that I’m dumb!

Something goes wrong in a particular region or state – maybe an alien invasion or arrival of UFOs – that requires extraordinary solution that can’t be handled by the Police, so the President calls in the National Guards… sorry the Army, to maintain law and order, thereby restoring peace. Okay that was what I thought state of emergency entailed, until Emperor OBJ showed up. Certain development that occurred in Plateau and Ekiti states led to his first declaration of state of Emergency – Plateau I can understand – serious argument broke out about the ad-hoc procedure adopted. There was talks about him having the power or not to do so, other critics balked about requiring the consent of the National Assembly or if the Gov. and State Assembly should be suspended or not, the talks where as inexhaustible and complex as Nigeria itself. The ensuing debate rolled on for months, lawyers fell over themselves arguing from both sides of their mouth. There was even so much noise about it that we joked that if two people argued, Emperor OBJ could declare an emergency and suspend everyone from continuing their daily chores. Those who have experienced state of Emergency doesn’t see it as an option to crisis, but the very last resort after other options have been thoroughly explored. No right thinking person ever looks forward to a state of emergency especially if you were there during the Wild Wild West era, or you are Joshua Dariye, his cronies and State Assembly with their hangers on, or if bitterly you are Ayo Fayose and his Ekiti Company.

Yeah! No one – including me – looks forward to an emergency of any kind, at least until Yar’Adua started his campaign – that Emperor OBJ put him up to – for the Presidency. I remember watching most of the campaign rallies on TV especially those prime time Presidential Debate Comedy Shows. One quick confession here! The candidates I would have voted for Presidency in 2007 were not those you gave a thought during that campaign and I have my reasons, call my reasons whatever you like, I don’t exactly care. They are Olopade Agoro because he promised every citizen 1million Naira – I couldn’t let that money pass me by – and late Major Moji Obasanjo because she promised to give everybody land – I had hoped that I will be fortunate to get a water front land in Victoria Island, Ikoyi or even Lekki.

But Emperor OBJ’s candidate still held my attention for the free comedy they were providing. One day as I watched this campaign with a friend, Candidate Yar’Adua took the mic – as the main act of show OBJ took a brief break – to talk about his Seven Point Agenda. He ran through the list quickly to give chance to comedian OBJ to continue his jabs at his enemies. One thing caught our attention as Candidate Yar’Adua enjoyed his 5 minutes of fame. He said he would declare a state of emergency in the power sector. He emphasized that he will give priority to power by doing this within the first few months of his administration. At first we were quiet when he said this until my friend asked me how the emergency in the power sector would work. I told him didn’t know! He then asked if it will mean that soldiers will be deployed to power stations, distribution lines and NEPA… sorry PHCN offices nationwide to ensure regular power supply. How I wish that would just be the solution to this darkness we live with. Again I told him I didn’t know oh! You see now that I’m not the only one that thought that state of emergency involved only the deployment of soldiers.

As we talked more about the possible ways the deployment of soldiers will solve our power problem, the more curious we got about what this candidates exact plans were. It didn’t help that they normally don’t give details about their campaign promises so we can gauge if their plans sorry promises are practicable. Isn’t that why they will turn around to tell us that they didn’t anticipate that our problem is that enormous as if they just arrived here from the moon. We even thought - and this was on a serious note – that the soldiers will probably break up the syndicate that was sabotaging government’s effort as Emperor OBJ claimed then. [At least we thought they were faceless but now know that it was led by the Emperor himself]. When we got tired of laughing at the statement, we agreed that we will have to wait to see how it will work knowing that he will win despite my supporting Agoro –because of the 1 million Naira bounty which I had started spending using anticipatory approval. Thank goodness I didn’t run myself into debts.

It’s been 2 years since Emperor OBJ’s anointed Candidate - Yar’Adua - took over power and is yet to declare the emergency; maybe he has realized that it was meaningless. Oh I just got it! He has realized that deploying soldiers will run against his mantra of ruse of law… pardon me abeg! rule of law. The power situation has since gone from bad to worst and they have tactically skipped it from their 7-point Agenda soap opera running on the network service of NTA. Meanwhile it seems like this agenda was put together to provide program content for NTA considering how regularly they run the adverts as if it will implement itself through the TV.

I had set out to ask our President when he intends to declare this state of emergency in the power sector but have long shelved the question because it will turn out to be a rhetoric question. This emergency will never be declared or was never intended to be declared as it was a campaign gimmick. This President was never ready for this job or never wanted this job. He is simply a plan gone wrong. I can bet that a week before he picked a nomination form, he never gave becoming a President a thought. He never prepared for this job.

Okay take a look at their projections to solve this problem. It used to be that we will generate 6000 megawatts by the end of 2007 and 10000 megawatts by 2010, but it has been reviewed since they realized that it was no longer attainable. The reviewed projections are now 6000 megawatts by the end of 2009 and 10000 megawatts by the end of 2010 and I can guarantee you that this is still not feasible. At least if the signal to its feasibility is what we are currently getting in terms of supply right now, then we had better forget it. In fact I will proceed on exile to Iraq or if I can’t afford it, I will go to Darfur if we generate 3000 megawatts by the end of 2009. Talking about Iraq, even at war time, they are still generating over 4500 megawatts of electricity and Nigeria has been at peace for the past 10 years. Its really a shame on our leadership. I have deliberately refused to think about how much has been spent on generating darkness because I don’t want a heart attack. In trying not to dwell on the problem but on finding a solution, the scientist will start from asking questions. So the nagging question is who will save us from this darkness? Who will save us from the power of darkness? I know! Yes I know! I know it’s not this Yar’Adua! Or do you think otherwise?

We Had Him

“We Had Him” by Dr. Maya Angelou

Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing
Now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips
Like a puff of summer wind,
Without notice our dear love can escape our doting embrace,
Sing our songs among the stars,
And walk our dances across the face of the moon
In the interest that we learn that Michael is gone we know nothing
No clocks can tell our time
No oceans can rush our tides
With the abrupt absence of our treasure
Though we are many each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone
Only when we confess our confusion
Can we remember that he was a gift to us
And we did have him
He came to us from the creator
Trailing creativity and abundance
Despite the anguish of life he was sheathed in mother love
And family love,
And survived
And did more than that he thrived
With passion and compassion
Humor and style,
We had him,
Whether we knew who he was or did not know
He was ours and we were his
We had him,
beautiful, delighting our eyes
he raked his hat, slant over his brow
And took a pose on his toes for all of us
And we laughed and stomped our feet, for him
We were enchanted by his passion
Because he held nothing
He gave us all he had been given
today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower
in Gana’s Black star Square
In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh
in Birmingham, Alabama and Birmingham, England
We are missing Michael Jackson
But we do know we had him,
And we are the world…

RE: MEMO TO ASUU

Assistant Professor of Sociology at the University of Kansas, Lawrence, US, Ebenezer Obadare writing in his column “The Crisis” on ” the BusinessDay of Wednesday, 1st July, 2oo9, with the title “Memo To ASUU”. To say the least, it was an intelligently written piece, but it came short of blaming ASUU for the current state of University education in our Naija – apologies to Dr. Reuben Abati.
According to Prof. Obadare, the current strike embarked upon by ASUU to press home an age old demand was “greeted by something close to a collective shrug of the general public”. This comes to me as a shock, it is as though the docile populace has in the past risen in support of ASUU’s clamor for an improved learning and teaching condition, which would have helped the dying system, and perhaps stop people like Prof Obadare from running abroad. Though Prof. Obadare acknowledged this much, but faulted when, in the same sentence said “the sheer vehemence with which opponents of the union’s tactics reacted was in itself ample indication that at least they cared”. The big question is who are those Prof. Obadare claims “cared” and who do they care about?

The irony of this is that Prof. Obadare was himself, a former member of ASUU before he left – I guess for greener pastures in the US – didn’t tell us why he did. His new found comfort in a system where things work, and in a country were priority is given to education, suddenly brought about a discomfort with ASUU’s approach in demanding that working environment be improved to something that resembles what he is currently enjoying in the US.
Our American Prof. Obadare who made his observation or criticism of ASUU’s tactics “in a non-martial, even collegial, spirit” also accused them of being guilty of understating [?] “the depth of decay on the campuses”. It is this same understatement of the decay he referred to that ASUU is fighting to arrest. Or would he rather that they go on as if everything is alright?
The long and short of Prof Obadare’s Memo to ASUU was that their “tactics and strategy” of strike which should be the “last option” has failed and that new ways will have to be developed by ASUU’s “rank and file” on alternative ways. Great observation from Prof. I want to say that criticism is cheap, just as it is said that talk is cheap. It doesn’t take a runaway Professor to tell us this. Even a primary school student knows that successive strikes have not solved the problem in our universities which may account for the non-challant attitude of the people. It would have been expected that a memo from a Professor to ASUU pointing out a problem would have also proffered some solution since the current method is “insufficient”. I think the problem is not so much the approach, but the government’s response. Strike, demonstrations and protests are tools that are employed in very developed societies to bring about a change in several sectors. The yet to be seen result in ASUU’s case, does not in any way invalidate the approach, it just again goes to show how insensitive those in leadership are to the plight of the people.

I choose not to drag myself into Prof Obadare’s claim “that there are other salient internal issues that demands ASUU’s urgent attention” but I want to assure him that they are not the ”reason behind the popular indifference” by the people. I don’t know how long Prof has been away, but I can assure him that it’s not in our culture to line the streets in protest against any government action even if they brazenly kill people on the streets. We are too busy protecting our lives. Someone wrote recently that “There will be no revolution” in Nigeria. The reasons were clearly attributed in that write up.

I really don’t know who the opponents of ASUU Prof. Obadare had in mind are, when he said “they cared” but I am want to assume it is the government that he was referring to. The same government that is supposed to solve this problem? I doubt Prof. Obadare knows the current issues at stake. I don’t know how he will react if he reached an agreement with his current employers and two years on, they refuse to acknowledge the agreement, less hold up to their own end of the bargain. “They are too responsible to behave in such a manner” I imagine Prof. Obadare saying. I would rather that Professor spent some time to tell our government on how to be responsible to its citizens including ASUU. Prof. Obadare’s current station will show him that ‘better soup, na money buy am”. So the demand for a certain percentage of the budget to be set aside for education is quite in line with UNESCO’s recommendation. I trust ASUU knows the responsibility that will be expected of them should government meet their demand.

There is an adage that says, to whom much is given, much is expected. I believe if adequate funding is given to our universities, members of ASUU - whom Prof says “the door of the corporate world” was “shut in their faces” – will have no choice than to sit up. I do like to ask Prof. Obadare if as a former member of ASUU, he too was shut out of the corporate world before he took to lecturing. If I understand Prof. obadare, our university lecturers are the rejects of the corporate world. They couldn’t measure up. They are not even supposed to be in the university as academics rather they “ought to be serving in the universities in non-academic capacities” Prof once belonged to this union oh! How come these same people excel when they go to places like where Prof. Obadare is pontificating from?

For Prof Obadare’s information, on the same day his memo was published, a report by Kelechi Ewuzie on page 2 of the Business School section of the same BusinessDay titled “Future of Students in Danger with Incessant strike action” was published too. The parents, whom he spoke to, all acknowledged that the solution to this current problem lies squarely at doors of the government. They all - like Reagan asked the communists to tear down this wall – asked government to end this cycle of madness. I expected that Prof. will lend his voice to this call on government not to destroy our tomorrow today. An incisive article written by Ferdinand Adimefe on the same day, on page 6 of the same business school section of the same BusinessDay titled “Graduates and Reality of Unemployment” analyzed amongst other things, the effect of government’s irresponsibility on the products of our universities. He didn’t say ASUU was solely to blame. Prof. Obadare will probably learn from that article from a young mind that its due to governments non-challant attitude - to issues that concern education especially funding – that our graduates are almost unemployable. That’s why they are half-baked – whatever that means.
Leaving the shores of one’s country, certainly does not remove one from the realities in that country. At a difficult time such as this, we should all join ASUU in asking the government to be responsible and responsive to its citizen because our silence only gives them and Prof. Obadare the impression that we disapprove of ASUU’s demand. The issues precipitating the strike, is way beyond pay rise or the sack of Unilorin 49. In a very large part, it is about creating a conducive learning environment for the students, it is about the availability of teaching materials especially in the laboratories, it is about the autonomy and independence of the university, it is about improved funding to enable the lecturers bring out the best that our future has to offer.

What is not expected of Prof. Obadare at this time, is not to castigate ASUU or the university system, perhaps if he has learnt new lessons in his promise land, would it be more appropriate if he shares same with us? I believe –even if has ‘beef’ for ASUU - he can at least, do well to tell the government how University of Kansas is run and funded, since he can’t proffer to ASUU how they can alternatively drive home their demand other than through strike. For the critics of ASUU, I would say attacking what you see as your enemy is as senseless as punching yourself. If you ask ASUU to go back and continue in this state of decay, remember that their product will either lead you tomorrow or will be available for you to hire. Think about that!

http://www.businessdayonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=3495:memo-to-asuu&catid=96:columnists&Itemid=350

Tyrant Shylock Lagos Landlords and Their Agents!

Shelter is one of the cardinal needs of man. The scarcity or unavailability of same in our country is a thing of legends. It is estimated that Nigeria has a shortfall of over 20 million houses and the statistics are still on the upward swing. Some experts say that to meet this shortfall, government will need to provide between 5-7 million houses yearly. A city like Lagos whose wonderful Governor is working very hard to turn into a mega city will need a sizeable portion of this to meet her needs. However, does it look likely that government can or has the capacity to provide for this? The answer is obviously a resounding NO! It is not in their character to be that progressive and proactive. This is one of those issues that even the private-public partnership will not tickle my fancy. We know how much the houses built by government cost not to talk of those driven by private sector investments. Mortgage facility sounds as foreign as the word mortgage itself. Where it is available in very few banks, it is for the exclusive preserve of those who do not need it. That is the irony of banking in Nigeria. How many young workers can afford to buy these houses or access these mortgage facilities without selling their souls to the devil?



Another angle to this housing issue that I do not even want to bother about is how prospective tenants are supposed to pay 2 years house rent upfront with all the extra charges of registration and agents fees they go with, as if any employer pays its workers 2 years salary upfront. I really would like to know where this culture came from. Like everything Nigerian, it will remain that – a mystery.



Just before you wonder how all this has become my headache or why this is bothering me now; sincerely, until this morning, I have never given this issue a thought. At least the last time I ever talked about housing and rent was sometime in 2002 when I rented an off campus self-contain accommodation for N80,000 in Port Harcourt. I have since graduated and returned home.



So what happened this morning that set me thinking again about this issue? I woke up this morning and a friend asked me to go with him to meet an agent to inspect a self-contain accommodation he was trying to rent for his single self having recently moved to Lagos. Meeting the agent is what has got me riled up right here.



In the very early days of NextonSunday newspaper [234next.com], I had gone to a shop to buy some electrical consumables. While the attendant was getting the things I wanted, I saw a copy of the foreign looking NextonSunday that had a headline that screamed something about Lagos Landlords and their discrimination against the Igbos. I read the story of how they will not rent their houses to the Igbos for reasons ranging from their stubbornness to troublesomeness to lack of respect to some very flimsy things I did not bother to commit to memory. When I finished the story, I cast my mind to the past and could not remember ever hearing of such stories. I dismissed it as one of those bad stories that the foreign press like to put out there to make Nigerians look bad. At least until then I did not know that it was a Nigerian newspaper.



Okay back to my friend, the agent and I. When we met the agent at his office, he told my friend that they would need to have a chat since they were meeting for the first time in person but that it will have to be after inspecting the apartment. As he stood up, he asked me to wait behind; my friend quickly told him that we were together. The agent then said he knew but the problem was that I was Igbo and he does not want the property owner to know that my friend was not from his own tribe. I did not introduce myself to him as Igbo, didn’t tell him my Igbo name which I don’t brandish about to save it from mispronunciation and neither do I have an accent that could readily give me away. It was just that I was fair in complexion and that was all. I was irritated. At this point, my friend told the agent that he was not from his tribe oh! That he was from the Igbo speaking part of Delta state. The agent said it was okay, that he would tell the Landlord that he was one of them from ‘Bendel’ side.



As they left with this uncomfortable smirk on my friends face, I sat there wondering about what just transpired with my thoughts taking me on a whirlwind tour. When they returned, I heard more things that almost popped my ears. The rules for the apartment were worse than those applicable to notorious places like the US Army’s Guantanamo Bay prison in Cuba. There were conditions on how many visitors he can receive at a time, who can sleep over in the house and for how long his junior brother can stay when he visits. Three days he said. How he cannot receive more than two visitors at a time. So I thought to myself; if three people were visiting him at a time, two will go in and the other person will have to wait outside. When they come out, then the third person goes in. Absurd right?



That is not all of it. How he cannot say anything - especially complaints - directly to the Landlord without passing through him [the agent]. It was like a gag order. As I joked with my friend after we left, that the Landlord was like the holy of holies in the Bible and for him to take his problem as it relates to the apartment to him, he will need to go talk to the agent to come and talk to the Landlord on his behalf. At this point, I thanked Jesus for removing the bottleneck of having to pass my problem to God through some chief priest who if he does not like my face, color or the tribe I come from as witnessed in this morning’s situation, will mean that God will never hear of my problems.



There is still more. The agent told him he would have to comply with every levy imposed on tenants by the Landlord. All he has to do is pay to whomever the Landlord sends to collect it without asking questions. He will also have to pay electricity and water bills. At this point, I was done keeping quiet. I asked if there was anyone who lives in a house, consumes electricity and water and refuses to pay. It was nothing for the Landlord to worry about because the electricity authority will quickly disconnect the person. He was also to take part in environmental cleaning which was not a big issue.



My friend, being a very gentle and easy going guy accepted the conditions set out since we both knew that he will not fall short of them except on the visitor issue.Hyperlink to However, I was a little worried about the levy part. With a sense of hilarious sarcasm, I asked my friend; what if the Landlord imposes a levy for the marriage of his daughter or insists that he buys the uniform [aso-ebi] for the wedding? However, I could not help but wonder what kind of levy the property owner could impose on tenants.

I had my reservations, which I told my friend because the agreement they were going to sign included forfeiture of the apartment and his rent whenever he breaks any of the rules. Moreover, the agreement was to be drawn up by the Lawyer son of the Landlord. I always get a second opinion on agreements drawn up by Lawyers for hidden clauses they will gleefully use against you one day.

We eventually got to negotiating about the rent, registration and agents fee. When we agreed on this, my friend told them he would be making payment in 3days time. This was followed by the usual marketing and threat gimmicks that there was someone ready to pay higher with a handsome tip for the agent. My friend stood his ground for his date of payment. Guess he was bidding time to think things over. Besides, if there was someone else with a higher offer the agent would not have wasted his phone credit calling my friend.

We left and as expected, it was our topic of discussion. However, he liked the apartment, but his freedom as a young working person and his peace of mind could be at risk. What happens if he has a problem with the Landlord? Then when he closes from work, instead of happily going home to a quiet rest, his mind will first skip a beat on remembering that he will have to face the Landlord again. We also talked about how timid his current tenants might be.

Without trying to insult anyone, I would rather be an Igboman than anything else that will entail that I owe my life to someone just because I work hard to earn money to pay rent to have someone regulate my life.Hyperlink to Just before I even start kidding myself, the irony of it all is that if I was the one that was looking to rent the place, I would not have gone near the apartment not to talk of rent it just because I’m Igbo. In today’s Nigeria? That is unbelievable!

The problem for me is not about the Igbos. It is about knowing how to differentiate between respect and your right. People have come to equate age with wisdom. And if I may add, they have now equated age with the ability to do no wrong. That the Landlord accepts a tenant is not a reason to mortgage his freedom to him, swallow completely whatever he says or suddenly become timid. The truth is that property owners always have their way considering the acute shortage of accommodation in our climes.

However, by midday as we sat in my friend’s office, he looked up to me and said “I will rather pay higher elsewhere than accept those conditions.” With that, he started to work the phone again for a new place.

Truth be told, the issue of landlords and tenants is a very thorny one that transcends tribe or culture. It is an issue that government will have to step into and reign into everyone. In many ways, this should constitute a significant aspect of the “Good people, Great nation” rebranding campaign. We should critically ask ourselves, are we really ‘good people’ when we lack the basic character traits to treat our fellow country citizens with the least required sense of civility, respect or dignity? But even beyond that, how does the government which has failed in its responsibility then regulate these shylock landlords? It’s all a difficult case. But this is Nigeria. We will survive!

On a final note, I read in a news magazine that Gov. Fashola has sent a bill to the state house of assembly to bring together all laws that relate to tenancy and more important outlaw the practice of advance payment for rents. I had wanted to doubt the practicability of implementing the law when passed, but since its Fashola, I can for now say that it’s do-able. The guy has a way of making the mountain go to Mohammed.

A LETTER TO HEAVEN

FOR A FRIEND WHO LIVES THERE NOW

HASSAN OGUNBAMBI [1983-2006]

Aburo mi! What’s good? It’s been a while! I feel strange writing you this letter after such along time. It’s not like I haven’t been meaning to reach you but didn’t know the means. I feel writing you the conventional letter is the only way. Hey don’t even call me old school because I doubt you know the magnitude of advancement in technology we have experienced these past few years. Your phone number isn’t going through and I’m sure yahoo would have long closed your projectsxl@yahoo.com email address. I still have same phone number and email address you know, so I’m sure if you could, you would have reached me too. I understand anyway. I’m not angry besides you havent been in touch with anyone I know of.

How is it going at your end? We are very fine here. I have enough to tell you but don’t know where to start. I know you would want the entire gist so I will try. It’s been a long time but I don’t feel that way. It seems like yesterday. So you’ve got a lot of catching up to do, so if it’s too long, it’s your fault oh!

We have all graduated! You too would have if you didn’t leave bro! Most of us have done our Youth service while others are still at it. I served in Abeokuta! You for come see you guy teach now! It’s not easy being a teacher. But you know now, I be bad guys! Sorry rhap nguys! Rhap ihe a! [Smiles]. Do you remember that our line? Do you still use it?

Mikky is now in Lagos. He served here and I think he might stay back. You know he has always been a Lagos boy at heart. Not with the way he had all Lagos people as friends. Lucky, Uche and I still dey Lag! You know we got love for the city mhen except say Lucky still dey go that side often. Daniel is serving in Ughelli. I spoke to him last night even. He has improved his Warri pidgin and is picking up some Urhobo too. The guy still dey support Liverpool. I don tire for am. Chinedu is now in Abuja. Him don turn big boy! Dey run things with the President. And Ijeamaka too! Don’t tell me you don’t remember her. IJ Baby! Chinedu’s cousin! She too be Abuja babe. Linda and Tina are fine with their fine selves. You remember that painting Tina gave Mikky that she tagged us on the drawings. I go still show that girl. Haven’t seen Emmanuel since we left school. SJ dey too! You know Ikwerre people dont travel out of PH. so him still dey there. if him go, who go take care of him land? Nnamdi still dey hold PH down. Mackgee is now a Yankee boy! Blackhalo dey too! I haven’t seen the Naruto head for sometime now.

Guess who is in Naija? Minnie! She is on a visit to continue her adventure. She wants to see the rest of the country. The east and north. We hung out with her at the beach recently. Oga do you still remember that our Badagry experience? It was mad fun.

Tammy is serving in Imo state. I still remember that day we were travelling to Lagos through Owerri in our first year. You and Lucky yabbed me into almost abandoning my state. Meanwhile you should go to Owerri now. You go bow now. You know how we felt when we got to Lagos that day after staying in that ‘then’ boring PH for a long time. Yeli and Stella are now Doctors. Your Ogechi is now studying in the Caribbean. You had something for her then or so! I am not sure which way it was. She couldn’t come to our room for a long time after you left.

And now the best part – I know it will interest you the most. Bisi is now a lawyer. I can imagine the smile on your face. Come on wipe it off before I slap it off for you! Yeye boy. Ehm come oh, I still remember that valentine wey you go town go give one mystery girl valentine gift. I just dey remember, I no talk anything oh! I’m still hoping you will tell us who she is one day. I no understand why you code that one sha!

We didn’t lose our groove. Everyone had serious party on their birthday. Then we hard these parties called SHINDIG. But the icing was the Graduation party. Egbon mi it was crazy. When I look back to that Matric party we had at Nellyville and how you ended up, I wonder what would have happened if you were at the Graduation. It was well organized, strictly by invitation to keep the riff raffs away, in a brand new house at a secret location with plenty of food and drink. Chidi’s mum owns the house. You know chidi now? AIESEC and pink car Chidi. I almost forgot about the three musketeers. Really don’t have much gist about them. Haven’t seen Onyinye in a while now! You remember that theory for Ogochukwu? If you don’t remember that one, just forget it. I no fit shout jare! I don’t know who else you will share this letter with out of excitement. I guess Shirley too is doing well.

Down to some serious stuff now. What happened that day now? Do like to hear it from you, though guys have told me what they know. But I can do with some firsthand information. Why I’m asking? The truth is that it still hurts to know that you are gone forever.

You! Lion King? The brave one? Egbon! Die? Hey I still have doubts about it. I just don’t believe it. You are too strong for death.

Do you know your mum called me that morning? You were still alive then but your phone was off so I couldn’t get to you. Now I wish I spoke to you that day, even if for the last time. I’m sure she would have loved to hear your voice too! She called me because she was worried about your certificate verification. I told her I will have you call her later. She didn’t know that I was still in Lagos. When I called her at night to tell her what has happened to you, she fainted. That was the most difficult phone call I have ever made. I was shaking like a jelly fish. Just didn’t know how to give her the news. I rushed to PH the next morning. I refused to cry all this time because I hoped these boys were playing pranks. As soon as I arrived PH, I insisted on seeing you immediately. When I saw you at the morgue, I screamed and cried like a child. I thought you would just stand up and say ‘catch ya!’ and we all will laugh and go home. But you didn’t. It was crazy. You were wearing that crazy jean you tore on the knees with your black singlet. Your hair was skinned as usual. The lion kings’ trades mark. Infact I didn’t know why I was crying because I was still insisting that it was a joke taken too far like Baba Iyabo will say. Mikky and co. tried to stop me. I just thought they were crazy. They were in pain too. But then I asked them if they realized you were gone forever? I hated them then because they couldn’t look me in the face or answer my many questions. They kept saying ‘Stanley its okay’ but never looked me in the eye to say it. What was okay I asked again. For you to die at your prime? I thought they had lost touch with reality. I just didn’t realize they were in the same boat as me, and someone needed to remain sane for all of us.

When Bro Yomi arrived in the evening, we picked him from the airport and headed to the morgue again. Tears flowed freely again. I doubt Bro Yomi will like you to hear this but he too cried. We couldn’t sleep that night. You were so everywhere in the room. It was scary. Egbon mi! You didn’t want to leave us right? The lion king! At a point I thought you would just carry out that our stupid threat to burn the room down to get our attention. Its funny remembering those days when never lacked jokes or something to laugh about. Some people were not happy about our laughter but we no send them now. You almost took that away from us. That was the only time we cried in that room. We tried to do the things we used to do before though it was hard.

Your church really helped to make things easy. They appreciated your work in the Youth Ministry. The police tried to make things difficult [they wanted bribe before the police report would be released for us to get a death certificate], but we eventually got it all settled. Do you know it was Chachangi Airline that flew you to Lagos? You should have seen your guys crying when we went to pack your things in the room. I cried from Rumuosi to Nellyville. It got worst when we got to the airport. A lot of people were there to say goodbye to you. I tried to say goodbye too but couldn’t, tears didn’t let me, couldn’t find the words, I was too shattered to thick clearly. I hope you not angry about that. I wanted to be at your grave side in Lagos but couldn’t make it. Chinedu was forming hard man, but cried more than all of us that night. Don’t tell him this oh! I don’t want to seem to be snitching abeg. Infact all of them cried.

Egbon! I was frustrated. I started asking God a lot of questions. I just didn’t understand why you He took you in your final year after all the UNIPORT suffering. I doubted He was up there but knowing that you are with Him answers my doubts. My imagination was running wild, I imagined if you hadn’t gone out that evening or why He even didn’t stop you from going out. I wondered why the road was not bad or why that learner drove a car on that road on that day. Are you surprised? The boy was a learner. That day was just a wrong day. He was a learner, driving on a high speed, talking on the phone and overtaking another car at the same time. I heard you somersaulted and rolled over the car. Is it true? What kind of speed was he on that will tumble the lion king? Na wa oh! I kind of believe it, knowing you as a strong man! Lion king! That’s the only way you can give up on the spot. I refused to set eyes on the driver at the police station. Trust me! You know I kill for fun! Laughing? You don’t believe me? You dey fall my hand oh! I still don’t understand why they didn’t take you to the hospital. I heard on the way to the hospital, someone decided you were dead and they turned to the morgue. Without a doctors confirmation? Those illiterate students.

I have since reconciled it all with God. Ferdy was there to pray for/with us. He gave us words of encouragement and insisted we say how we felt, to express our anger. He told us it was okay to cry. He advised us to have a service of song that it will help us in getting over it. He helped organize it and officiated. I guess he realized that we were in denial. And we had the service of song at Nellyville for you bro!

A lot of people said lovely things about you. What I took away from it was that they misunderstood you most of the time. Egbon you were too much for them jare! Sophiscated is the word! Ijeoma Aniebo said great things about you. Didn’t know you two were such close friends. She had words of advice for everyone that day. Lucky and Chinedu took the bible readings. Mikky and I talked about the friendship we all shared. I told them about how we all met in year one. My God memories are flooding back now. I would rather not recount it, don’t want to get mushy and you will start yabbing me. Though I messed up that day as I told the story, tears welled in my eyes after I stopped myself several times from crying. Let’s just forget that day abeg; I’m already getting close to tears as I write this even.

I went to see your mum afterwards. It was another crazy day. It was your twin brother that opened the door and I almost ran away. Thought I’d seen a ghost, forgot you guys were very identical. Don’t blame me; I always think that twins are like me and Chijioke. We hugged and I entered the house. Mumsy wanted to start crying again but left for the kitchen. Hussien couldn’t stand the whole thing so he went upstairs. Your dad wanted to ask questions, you know, if there was any detail of what happened that I might want to tell him about. I couldn’t talk or even stand the situation so I left. Haven’t gone back since then though I have been on the estate a couple of times. Do you think I should go and see them? I don’t want to reopen healed wound for them.

So do you still draw? How far with your fashion designing and drawings? I had wanted to keep your drawing book but felt Hussien would like to have it. I was thinking you could still hook up that shirt for me! Make I no worry you jare. Don’t know how busy your schedule is. We all took one thing from you as souvenir to always remember you. I initially took your drawing book but gave it to Hussien and then took some of your pictures, Lucky took your Beautiful Nubia CD. I can’t remember what Mikky and Chinedu took again. Maybe you should ask them about it.

The lion king himself! I miss you oh! We all remember you all the time, we always wonder what you will do whenever we hang out. Since you were such a hand full, we were never sure. You were unpredictable so we clung to the memories of you that we have.

We all miss you! You are forever on our mind, forever remembered, forever loved, forever on our hearts. I will tell everyone that I wrote to you. I’m not telling them now because they will turn me into their errand boy to you. Please reply if you can, it will be interesting to know what’s up with you.

Take care of yourself okay

Sun re ore mi! [Sleep well my friend], Sleep tight sha!
God be with you till we meet again.

One love!

Hassan Ogunbambi died in a senseless accident along Aluu road, very close to UDSS Uniport. He was a final year student of Environmental Engineering at the University of Port Harcourt. He was my roommate in Year One and later lived with Lucky and I until his death.

A Conversation Between Two Arsenal Fans

I'm tired of Wenger! please is it confirmed now that he has signed Arshavin? If he doesnt sign Arsha, then he has to go.

Go where? Thank God its not your decision to make. if them allow you, you go climb on top maggi cube oh! u wan make them sack am abi? the much i can confirm is that Arsha flew to london to meet with Wenger and probably do medical test too. Goals.com says he has signed but i dont trust them. it will become clearer by tomorrow morning. there is a great deal of confusion on the internet about it right now.

what do you mean thank God its not my decision its to make? are you not sick of the disappointments?

that one na JAMB question you dey ask, but its not his fault that Arshavin havent signed yet!

its his fault! he is more stubborn that a thousand he-goats put together

where is that coming from? what has come over you? you are beginning to have Chelsea fans mentality. lack of patience. its all about winning without just thinking that there are others in the competition who want to win too. once their team is down, they want the manager sacked or they will switch their support elsewhere. i have absolute trust in Wengers management. the team is going through a tough season. they will get back to form soon. its not Wengers fault i insist.

Seems like you are enjoying being 5th on the table with no trophy in 4 years and no prospect of one anytime soon. try it with any serious club and he's a gonar!

Any serious club like chelsea right?

Have i mentioned chelsea here since?

Nope but e be like say na there your heart dey now! i have been hearing some grumblings from them about sacking Scolari. since this their sacking madness started with the self-acclaimed 'special one', what have they acheived? instead the club is in disarray. those clubs you call serious are not the serious ones infact. the important thing here is that Wenger has the boards support and thank God its not a one man business. Arshavin's deal is confirmed now! i hope that this Arsha will solve your problem, calm you down and get you off Wenger's back.

But you know that chelsea...

Hold the thought first! did you say no prospect? guy abeg no vex me! where has your love and faith in this club gone to. the team has potential and i believe in them. try relax for Wenger abeg!

I hate that word potential when nothing is done by those who have it like your country Nigeriaokay no vex, replace it with any word you like and dont mention Arsenal along side Nigeria. meanwhile have you been watching the African Youth Championship in Rwanda?

Nope and i dont plan to! lets not get distracted from what we are talking about here

Arsenal? wetin be your beef with Arsenal these days self?

Lets call a spade a spade! Arsenal sucks this season. Wenger should never have let Hleb and Flamini leave. The team lacks cohesion and winning spirit. Thats the reality.

While calling a spade whatever you like, i think you should stop brooding over spilt milk. Hleb and Flamini are gone okay! move on bro! and its not Wengers style to hold on to players that feel like leaving. that much you know.

See your mouth! you dey think at all? why him no let Adebayor go Barca? letting him go wouldnt have caused as much damage as the absence of Flamini and Hleb are causing us now!

I agree with you on Adebayor. I wouldnt have missed him at all, like i'm missing hleb and Flamini. but let me remind you that this team you are accusing of lacking winning spirit have squared up successfully against Man U, Chelsea and Liverpool

Na them be the trophy? If you square up to them and cant make it to the top of the table and next seasons champions league, its then useless. They need that spirit both for the big and small teams.

I dont dispute some of your points but what do you want? to draw blood? or to stop supporting Arsenal? you know its not an option for you. you need to lift up your spirit and theirs too. the team needs everyones support not criticism.

dont get me wrong. i still love Arsenal but sometimes Wenger makes some really dumb and annoying decisions that cost us the whole season and leave us in despair.

oh boy! talk about despair. me i don weak! one of my guys tell me say if him wan heart attack, him go support arsenal. the ode say him no go visit me for hospital if i suffer from one. but guy this season, the team don fall my hand well well! them don mortgage all my bragging right! so i understand how you feel. i just dey try encourage myself.

A Man U fan looked at me one day and said that we should surrender cos our gun is not loaded this season. whatever he meant by that.

dont mind him. we are not failures. its only when we give up that we become failures. like Wenger said at the West Ham pre-match briefing 'our title dreams are still alive'

A great man said that 'failure is instructive. The person who really thinks, learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes' we will come out of this stronger if Wenger opens the door to some changes especially his signing policy. bring in some experienced players as well as young talents as usual. The combination is what has kept Man U going.

Man U? abeg leave them. i trust Wenger will make some changes soon. lets just hold our breath. abeg i need to run, make we meet for the Cardiff match if the snow will allow them to play it. No wahala.

Later mhen!

PS: I started writing this on monday night [2nd of Feb] after a conversation with a friend and thats where i got the idea from. i'm trying to improve my creative writing skills and I feel I can start from something I love

Since i wrote this Arsenal have signed Arshavin but awaitng FA's confirmation.

Please feel free to criticise it. It will help me improve.

FA has since confirmed the Arshavin deal. Lets pray that something happens